Each of the images above are accompanied by some written words or poetry…
1. I am not who I think
I am not who I think... As we grow up we collect many ideas of who we are, we strive to fit into our world by adopting ideas of who we are, labels to identify ourselves with, philosophies to align ourselves with; all in an attempt to give ourselves a sense of self, a sense of belonging, of recognition or sometimes a mask to hide behind. But don’t hold onto these too tightly, don’t be afraid to try new ideas, to shed old versions and always take the time to look past these ideals, to remember what you’ve always known but may have just forgotten or lost along the way - that beyond all these mind made versions of you is the real you, the real human, the essence of life itself. Beautiful, vulnerable, yet strong and full of unconditional love.
2. Hold tight/Let go...
Struggling with our mental and emotional states often sees us in an inner conflict. In my own experience I have listened to the fighting internal dialogue, one voice asking me to let go, another screaming to hold on tight and all the others in between - often resulting in a physical battle as my central nervous system would go into overdrive with a panic attack. The idea of ‘letting go’ is lovely but no way easy - we can choose to ignore, push things aside but this isn’t letting go, to truly let go we first have to fully embrace what it is we want to transcend, experience the emotions attached in the present moment in order to really let go. On the flip side we have to be brave to see what are the things we’re holding on tight to, and why... is our grip so tight that it will actually slip from our fingers anyway or are we clinging to something that actually doesn’t serve us but we’re too scared to let it go... do the labels you’ve been given feel to much a part of who you are that you don’t know who you are without them?
3. Was I ever really lost?
I would often describe myself as lost when I could only see the darkness of depression and only find escape through self destruction. It’s also something I often hear other people say about themselves or others. But if I could go back and tap myself on the shoulder in those times I would tell myself ‘you’re not lost, the path you’re travelling is always there, always moving, you can fumble your way through this dark’. The human mind creates a veil often so heavy that we can’t see what’s in front of us, hiding what’s important. I consider myself incredibly lucky that I found a way lift that veil and am blessed with people in my life that ensure I stay well. I wouldn’t change a moment of the path I’ve trodden so far, after all every moment has led to this one and I needed to take each and every one of those steps to get here. So if you know someone who is struggling don’t consider them lost or encourage that mindset if that’s how they describe themselves, instead offer them your hand and let them know they’re not lost or alone.
4. Behind the heavy...
somewhere…
is the light... Sometimes the heaviness can sink me, that familiar looming sense of dread can sneak up on me, triggered by something I’ve not noticed or that I’m unconsciously turning away from. But I’m lucky, I’ve (mostly) learnt ways to navigate my way through these times so it never consumes me for long enough that I can’t lift the veil and accept my current experience. From here I can choose to turn and face the heaviness and know that behind it is my light. These times also serve as a good reminder to make sure I’m looking after myself. They’re not a step backwards but just another ascent on the learning curve of being human.
5. I am (strong) enough
I am and always have been enough. I realise now that all those times I beat myself up for falling short of the mark set by the systems in which we live or by the self imposed mark influenced by the conditioned thought that we are never good enough, was all self sabotage. And forever beating myself up over these imaginary short comings just meant I was destined to hold onto the belief that I wasn’t good enough and I would continually get in my own way, sapping myself of any self confidence, unable to love myself as the human I am. I’m not past this self defeating pattern by any means but once we see it we stand a chance; a chance to stand tall, to shine, to love ourselves unconditionally.
Strong... I spent much of my life thinking I was weak because I couldn’t ‘handle’ my emotions all the time, I was under the illusion that I was being strong when I managed to suck it up and put on a ‘brave face’ - I now know my strength is my ability to feel, my ability to sit with my emotions, to embrace them and love them as the passing waves they are. So when I see your tears, I see a beautiful strength, when I see your belly laugh, I see it there too, when I see you angry but not projecting that anger I see your strength. I see the same in me and I’m in awe of the humans we are.
Fall, I've got you
Fall, I've got you
Fall, I’ve got you... Sometimes falling into a feeling, into what can feel like an abyss or a black hole is scary; the idea of surrendering completely to that is probably some of the scariest moments I’ve experienced. At these times I would want someone else to come and fix everything or desperately seek something outside myself to take me away from the pain. But when you’ve hit ‘rock bottom’ and you sit on the edge but have the awareness to know that’s where you are, that’s when you have a chance - that knowing is your saviour, that glimmer of clarity is your light cracking through the dark... now is the time to be your bravest, to fall into those feelings in the present moment knowing that something bigger than your chattering egoic mind is waiting to catch you, the universe, the higher self, god, call it what you like, ultimately it’s all just you, and you’ve got you. And you and I aren’t really separate so I’ve got you too.
7. I can go there / come with me (Part 1)
I can go there
I can turn to face my fears
I can stand strong in the eye of my storm
I can embrace every hidden aspect of my being
I can step through this door
I can do this because I know on the other side is an endless and abundant unconditional love waiting to hold me
I want you to hold my hand and come with me.
8. (I can go there / come with me) Part 2: And in she came
And in she came
brave, strong and shining her light
Holding hands we’ve jumped, beyond our fears, beyond expectations, beyond anything we could have imagined.
And here we flow together, navigating this new landscape with open hearts.
The flow of unconditional love securing the bond of our heartstrings, a bond that ties yet frees.
Now I can let my heart sing
and you and I can dance this dance together.